It’s been a long year…

DSCN0767It’s been a long time since I have looked at my WordPress page…and the layout is totally different.  But, the thought is: change is good.  Change scrambles your brain cells into more active connections which leads to a sharper brain.  Okay, this is what I hope I have accomplished this year of foggy brain.

I will ask for your patience, if this Post is a bit scattered.  I have not been able to clearly write anything new and substantial for a long time.

Although, good news: I did revise two short vignettes which will be published in a local anthology in November.  Just so you get the full picture, I could have submitted up to 25oo words, but all I could find in myself, of polished writing, was a total of about 380 words.  I’m counting my blessings for this small success.

One thing I have done this year is try to envision myself in another place, in another home, in another job, living a different life.

Back in April a friend invited me to Arizona, outside of Phoenix and I went for five days.  I played the tourist and we toured AZ.  Drove to Sedona and spent the night,  then up through a forest towards Flagstaff (I think) and then around and down and back to Fountain Hills.  I visited a National Monument called Montezuma’s Castle with Indian cliff dwellings, and saw a chapel built into the rocks, and drove through a National Park with a forest of cactus, the ones that stand tall and look like they have arms.  Lots of little “firsts”.

Here’s another trip I took.

Esalon Big Sur 2015This photo is of the coastline of Highway 1 near Big Sur, California.  My sisters and I took a road trip up the coast first to Cambria and then on to a workshop at Esalen Institute.  This area is awe-inspiring gorgeous!

The catalog describes Esalen:  “Since 1962, The Esalen Institute has been devoted to exploration of what Aldous Huxley called the “human potential”, the world of unrealized human capacities that lies at the growing edge of consciousness.”  For me, this was definitely a profound weekend of sharing with my sisters, connecting with people, and healing some of my grief.

Grief:  There are stages: shock, pain, loss, anger, guilt, resolution.  These are the ones I’ve been coping with.  Oh, another one is the foggy brain syndrome which is a form of paralysis which makes decisions difficult.   Mantra:  Just Keep Moving Forward.

The real grieving hit me when I flew to Oahu and visited places my husband and I had been too.  I went alone and while I was there: I got sick, had car trouble, stayed in bed for four days, cried, blew my nose a thousand times, and read four or five novels in a row.   I felt vulnerable with a Capital V.  Vulnerable.  I had not anticipated coming face-to-face with my husband’s spirit, life force, whatever I could call it.   I laughed, I cried, I remembered all the good times.

I count my blessings that I had this profound experience and I am grateful for this year!

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About Wings of Wonder

Linda Ruddy is a creative and she works in a variety of materials including pencils, paints, paper, porcelain and fabric. Her current projects involve hand-sewn bookbinding, children's book illustrating, and writing. In 2010, two of her paintings were published in the Saddleback College literary magazine, The Wall. In the past, she has received recognition for painting and doll making. Linda lives in California with her husband and family pet. Her new blog can be found at:www.wingsofwonder.worpress.com Please visit often to see how the site develops. Following the muse, Linda Ruddy
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10 Responses to It’s been a long year…

  1. robin says:

    Linda, thank you for sharing your year of grief and healing. I am deeply touched.

  2. Cindy says:

    A moving account of an understandable mix of emotions; glad you were able to share it. Thanks, Lin

  3. You were out in my neck of the woods – Arizona is a beautiful place (not so much in the summer). I’m so glad you made it to Sedona and Monezuma’s Castle. Both the scenery and the history is so indicative of AZ. 🙂

    It’s so good to see you here. Grief is a hard thing to work through – I spent most of last year trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel. I lost four people in my inner circle in a shockingly short period of time. It was devastating. Just know the grief begins to change shape – instead of causing pain it settles into a sense of knowing how lucky you were to have treasured relationships. I hope your healing continues and leads to moments of joy.

    • I thought of you when I was in AZ.  It is a majestic land but hot, even in April.  I’ve had several neighbors move that way because of the cost of living and affordable housing.  I actually tried to imagine myself living there.  Not sure where I will land.  This has been a year of major growth and letting go.  Sorry to hear about your losses.

  4. marilynscottwaters says:

    Hugs to you, my friend. I’m glad that you had some beautiful adventures. Sedona is a lovely place, isn’t it? Looking forward to a painting day in our future. ❤ M

  5. tbnranch says:

    Good to see you back here. Hugs.

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